|Being a member of the Bukk Fambly entitles you to a tremendous assortment of benefits. For instance, you can negotiate cheaper prices for firewood and auto repair. You can entertain adulterous affairs without getting recognized. You can be stupid and politically incorrect without consequence...people just don't expect as much of you as they did in your former life. This page compiles some of the best ideas we've heard from our patients.|
|First things first: Go see your dentist! We recommend you let the hygienist do the cleaning, then slip your teef on for the dentist's inspection, complaining about the quality of the cleaning job. As you leave, tell everyone in the waiting room what a great job the dentist has done. "You just shoulda seen what my teef looked like before!"|
Make a memorable Christmas Card!
|Attend a wedding and seek out the out-of-town guests. Claim to be an illigitimate sibling of the bride/groom. Say you read about it in the paper and "you just knew they would want me to come." Pull out a plastic bag and start nonchalantly loading hors d'oeuvres in it.|
|Lets say you are the scheduled speaker at a meeting, and your audience has never met you. The morning of the meeting, call and say you can't make it but are sending your assistant (who has a funny name). Show up and give your speech with your teef in. Leave without ever explaining.||Paint infantile pictures of angels or farm animals on things you get from the junkyard. Schedule a booth at an arts fair, and dress like it's 1932. Say you are a self-taught primitive artist. Price your stuff in thousand dollar increments.|
|Going skiing? You and your buddy wait together in the lift line, wearing teef, and making eye contact with as many sex objects as you can. When it's almost your turn, split up and yell "Singles!!"|
Use your portrait with teef on, for your Citibank Card, your driver's license and your passport. Anyone who stole the stuff would be too embarrassed to use it!
|Attend your class or family reunion and comment with total confidence on how old and awful everyone else looks.||Apply for a job at your employer's personnel office. You might get a better job than you already have!|
|At the hamburger drive in, try to order grits, hog jowl, pig's feet, corn on the cob, grilled possum and collards. When they say they don't serve that, insist that you had some last week. Finally, give in and settle for the burger. You'll start a laugh riot when you pull up to the delivery window!||Dress frumpy and pretend to be foreign, understanding only a little English, and shop the ritziest shops in town, trying on their finest things. Light a cigarette, and act as if you do not understand when they ask you to put it out.||Public transportation always offers a fertile plot for humor. After the stewardesses finish demonstrating the safety procedures, hold up a barf bag and ask her to demonstrate its use. Chat with others about dental experiences or start a group discussion on the worst things you have ever smelled in your life.|
Have a makeover and photo session with Glamour Shots®.
|Attend a sporting event and cheer wildly for a team that isn't even playing.||If a law enforcement officer pulls you over, and asks if you have an ID, say "about what?"|
|Attend political rallies and ask the candidate their opinion on dental benefits, subsidies for Depends® and potty parity.||Have a friend stage a religious healing upon you from rotten teeth to dental perfection, then pass the plate.|
|Give directions to lost strangers using dentist offices as landmarks.||When Jehovah's Witnessers call on you, tell them you have already had the house sprayed for "scriptures".|
|For faster seating at a crowded restaurant, refuse to go to the bar and hang around the foyer.||Submit your picture, wearing teef, to this site and find out how hot you are, according to others.|
|Be Your Own Twin whom "Mother never liked." Try picking up dry-cleaning or renting videos, convincing the clerks you are the twin. This can get even more fun at a party or bar, where you can establish two identities who are looking for and talking about each other, but never seem to get together.||Take a big gulp of your first beer, sigh, and announce to all those within earshot, "Gee, this tastes even better than I imagined when I was in prison."|
|Try going to a convience store and buying some dental floss. Ask the clerk if he/she knows how to use it!||One time we (8 of us and our Bukks)went bowling and racked up a pretty hefty bill. We went ot pay and told the young girl at the counter in our best Bukk Fambly accent that "We's had no ideeea that this here bill would be so much. What's we gonna do?" She took 1/2 off the bill and wouldn't look at us after her first glimpse of our beautiful teeth!!!|
|At the next corporate meeting, slip in your Bukks and tell your boss how grateful you are for the company's dental plan!|
Even better, wear your Bukks to a job interview and inquire about the company's dental plan.
|Slip in your bukks and tell people that you tried dentistry, but none of your patients would ever come back after their first appointment.|
In the tony neighborhoods, you can prey upon the liberal guilt of those having yard sales. Ask for discounts and if they refuse, request permission to use their bathroom. You will get a big price cut!
|Got a suggestion or experience to relate? E-mail Dr. Bukk|