Oddly enough, twin brothers separated at birth in Smackover, Arkansas, were reunited today.
Although B. Eden Stewell, age 49, had not seen or even known of his brother's pathetic existence, he said, paraphrasing Father Flanagan, "Even though he's a Russion, he ain't heavy."
I. Schmeltov Stewell, also 49, had been adopted by Russion Orthodox Jews shortly after being accidently labeled "Contaminated Surgical Refuse" and placed in the Smackover General Hospital Dumpster. Caring Smackover sanitation truck driver, Benton D. Strukshun had recognized him as "at least a mammal" and took him to a local orphanage specializing in deportation of orphans.
The twins' mother, Schmeerdmit Stewell, still dazed by the events of the last few days, uttered "I don't remember either one." The father, orthodontist Ronny Stewell has not been seen since the day of the twins' birth, when he inexplicably ran through a plate glass door exiting Smackover General.
"Schmelly" Stewell said, "Borscht Kremlin Wodka Sverdlovsk!"